ABOUT THE AUTHOR
(in English)

Hi, people, no matter of what sex you are,

Although it matters, naturally. And I would say that this is the thing that matters most of all on this material world, and hope you’ll agree with me on that topic. But, you see, this is a matter of politeness, and if I would have said “hi” only to the guys, then the girls (as well also the girls between the guys, if you see what I mean) might have felt offended at me. So that, although I am sure that the important sex is the masculine one, the other is just supplemental, I don’t deny the right of the women to try (yes, why not, they can only try, right?) to feel equal with us, men. Yet this isn’t important here, the important discrimination, that I will impose upon my readers, is that I am writing mainly in Bulgarian. And not only this, but I am writing also not quite decent kind of verses, or rather, quite indecent kind of verses, which are usually called cynical, vulgar, forbidden, illegal, and so on, because they treat chiefly the sexual relations. Still, these relations exist, and such verses exist, and I am bold enough to present myself to my, mainly Bulgarian, as just said, readers.

OK, my name is Urungel Yovanov Tashkov, or with initials U.Y. Tashkov, where has to be added that “uy” (and read as ‘uj’, or ‘ui’ but in one syllable, in almost pure Latin, or then in German) is a bit simplified pronunciation (‘huj’ to be exact) of masculine penis in Bulgarian, and “tashak” is one of these things that go together with the just mentioned part. I hope you all got my explanations, so that you may call me Mr. Testiclov, although I would prefer you will rather not do this. Then Yovanov (i.e. ‘Jovanov’), or with –ich, is Serbian pronunciation of our Ivanov, which name is old and biblical (and in English becomes John). As to the Urungel I am a bit ashamed of it, but, on the other hand, one must not be angry at his father-maker, and he is also long time dead and buried, so that I don’t grumble anymore about this name. Ah, well, you have not got it if you are not Bulgarian, so that I have to add that “urungel” is a jargon word for some ugly monster, what is not at all true, you bet it, but, nevertheless, I will avoid to publish my real photo, because, you know, there are some too imaginative people and they may begin to have such ungrounded feelings.

Yeah, but, on some other hand, I am really monstrous what concerns my masculine attributes, so that my father was probably right in some sense — that I am a kind of proverbial beast, like this guy Pan in old Greek mythology, who has become the cause for the emerging of the word panic (as you maybe know). At this moment I am already in my soixante-neuf years, and can’t boast with big achievements in the amorous business (usually not more than 4-5 times in a row), but in my young years I never went to sleep without 3 or so girls to change them (as spare linens, you know), because after dozen times they began to gasp, when I just entered into my usual rhythm.

So where was I? Ah, I have come to my poetical activity, but here everything will go fast, because I have not much verses, and have practically stopped to write more in the last nearly 20 years (where a friend of my at nearly the same age has several thousands of lines and in several languages). My biggest attainment is my МПБ, i.e. “Малка Пичовска Библиотека” (Small Playboy’s Library, so to say, though “пич” in Bulgarian is a richer on nuances notion), where I have introduced 5-level scale for signifying of the fun, marked with stars and beginning from the lowest level of one. Having in mind that in Bulgarian the word “ташак”, i.e. my family name, means also fun, yet not something decent, rather like to show in public one’s naked bottom, I established that: one star is slight whiff of something sexy (so light that here such verses are as if absent), then two stars is slight ташак (or just a fun, not really indecent, yet not for wide audience), then three stars is middle ташак (a thing that one will not be ashamed to say in a pub, and in mixed company), then four stars is rough ташак (things not for telling before girls, only between man and man, strong curses), and finally five stars mean plump ташак (a bull testicle, so to say, things that even men will abstain to say to their friends, if they are not what is named bosom ones).

E.t.c. ...